So I know, it has been forever .. ha anyways, this one is going to be a little different, however it will tie into the next one i write which will be very soon.. enjoy
'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind' ; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' Luke 10:27
A lot of people ask the question, or if not ask wonder, 'what is love?' It seems to be on most people's minds, so much that if you don't even have time to find love but you want it, its just a click away. Love can come hard through years of dating, disappointment, defeat, and dishonesty. For others, it may come easy and they just find someone that clicks. The truth of the matter is is that love is impossible to hold, but something you can't let it go of, as blind as it is foreseen, and mysterious as it is true.
I made a book once. Well, it was already a book, a thesaurus actually. It was a large book...until I ripped out some pages and cut out the center of it. It's called an altered book. I took a book already made and altered it. I painted the outside of it gold, got some supplies from Hobby Lobby, and a week later, I had a finished product. It was called, well it didn't have a name but on the inside cover of it it asked the same question, 'What is love?' I guess you could call it something creative like, "the love book".. ya very creative. It was a gift for a 3 year anniversary. I thought it was a great gift myself after spending a week on it, and the girl who got it also really liked it. But I thought I really had done a good job of defining love through this book. Each page had it's own idea or focus with sweet/cheesy quotes and song lyrics, even some stuff I had made up. I meant every word of it.. but did I really define what love is? Did I answer the question, wholeheartedly knowing what it actually was?
It's been a little over 2 years since I made the book, and in that time I have experienced, observed, read about, and seen so many angles I had never thought about. Not just about relationships, but about people, the human condition.
Going into this past summer, I was a sour person, at least to some people. I had a problem that was really never there before. I was letting people push my buttons and letting it actually get to me. I had somehow lost patience and eventually quit trying to love these people. After realizing this had become a problem I prayed for God to show me how to love people. I decided that this summer I had a mission and it was to learn how to love like Jesus, unconditionally or as close to as possible. Well, of course God came through and put me in situations where I had to practice. I was given opportunities, perhaps one of the hardest, yet rewarding things I've ever had to go through. I met this girl, who ironically has the same last name as me, and quickly became friends with her. We always seemed to get to class early at the same time and be afraid to walk in the room for fear of there being a class already in there, so to spare the embarrassment we'd just stay outside and talk. I was, at that point, really her only friend at school, and I think I liked that because that made me the go to person for UAB stuff. And being a guy it felt good giving directions and providing answers. However, I don't remember how ready I thought I was for this next bit of news. I don't quite remember how it came up, but her mom had cancer, it was really bad. A few weeks later I found out she only had so much longer to live. But what I really wanted to know was how my new friend was handling all of this, how she was even able to get out of bed in the morning, how she seemed so strong. We had lunch one day, for a few hours, exchanged stories and from then on we were pretty good friends. By this time, I had kinda figured that God had put us both in this position for a purpose. I was seeking an opportunity to love people, the human condtion, and I dunno, maybe she needed someone to be there for her. At least that was my reasoning. But it wasn't so much my trying to be there for her, or helping out with whatever I was able to, it was more her showing me what it meant to love, to have faith. I could sometimes tell her frustration with life, with her situation. I could tell when the night before class was a good one or a bad one. I wouldn't have to ask her why she missed class once or twice in that week. I could read her swollen eyes and almost tell the story. But never once for a moment did she forget at the end of the day to love God with all her heart. She was most of the time actually joyful. She never didn't laugh at my stupid jokes, and I never failed to walk into a your momma joke as she concluded the joke with a long exaggerated 'ooohhhh!" It was so amazing to me that the one so many people would blame, she loved. In the one that is blamed constantly for this or that she sought peace and comfort. At the funeral, I remember sitting near the back crying as I watched her hands raise, praising God during one of the songs. I wasn't too sure how I was supposed to feel the next couple of days, sad or peaceful (as my friend was). I think it was more of that first one.
One thing that I am constantly learning is that it's impossible to pour out an empty pitcher of,, well anything. It's impossible to show love if you don't first have it in you. It's impossible to love others if you don't first let God's perfect love consume you.
In the midst of that summer long journey, I also had other experiences and insights of what love is.
I was once in a relationship and near the end of it I spent so much time focused on how perfect I thought she should be, which is why this was near the end of it.. The focus was mostly about how mistakes were inexcusable, and how anything new was unacceptable. It took a while for me to realize how crazy all of that thinking was. It took taking a step back and looking at the situation, looking at how not to love somebody. But when I figured it out this summer I didn't know if this insight hit me like a ton of bricks, or felt like a ton of bricks lifting off my shoulders, or maybe both? The epiphany was great! It relieved a bunch of stress, because now I knew what not to do, but at the same time, man, was I that bad? Well, oddly enough, with the help of the movie "into the wild", I was able to realize that "Happiness is shared". These are the words the main character writes as his conclusion to his lifelong journey searching for happiness. Relationships aren't about being perfect, loving people isn't about being perfect, but it's about sharing experiences, sharing mistakes, sharing old memories along with making new ones. It's not about using everything in your power to control someone but letting that person be theirself while you provide a shoulder to cry on, a word of encouragement, or being their biggest supporter. So many relationships fail because of this. So many people have the idea of love being obtained through perfection, when its obtained through experiences, good or bad, with someone. It's obtained through the joys and pains of growing. It's about the human condition, which is imperfection, mistakes, shortcomings, or any situation where forgiveness can be made strong. Love is the bridge which brings together our imperfections with our flawless desire to press on.
When I prayed to learn how to love, I had no clue what awaited as the answer to my prayer. But God showed me, and provided situations for me to love. I definitely learned a lot this summer.
Be looking for the 2nd part of this coming soon.
