I made a book
once. Well, it was already a book, a thesaurus actually. It was a large book, until
I ripped out some pages and cut out the center of it. It's called an altered
book. I took a book already made and altered it. I painted the outside of it
gold, got some supplies from Hobby Lobby, and a week later, I had a finished
product. It was called, “…” well it didn't have a name, but on the inside cover
it asked the question, 'What is love?' I guess you could call it something
creative like, "The Love Book", yeah, very creative. It was a gift. I thought it was a great gift
myself. I spent a week on it, and the girl who got it also really liked it. But
I thought I had really done a good job of defining love through this book. Each
page had its own idea or focus with sweet, cheesy quotes and song lyrics, even
some stuff I had made up. I meant every word of it, but did I really define
what love was? Did I answer the question wholeheartedly knowing what it
actually was? I seriously doubt it; I
was 19 when I made this book. I’m sure if I took a poll today and asked
everyone to define love in one word, 9 out of 10 answers would be different. I
would hear things like; trust, sacrifice, eternal, action, perfection, God, or
Jesus. Whereas all of these answers are honest acceptable answers in the
context of a random people simply defining love, we as followers of Jesus
having experienced the greatest love of all cannot simply confine love into a
single word definition other than “God”. You see we as Christians all know that
“God is Love.” We sing it in four part harmonies, we read it all over the
bible, and sometimes we even talk about it. But do we truly know that God is
love? “Oh, yeah Jesus died for us, so He loves us!” or “God sent his Son, so He
loves us!” I know our understanding of God’s love goes much deeper than that.
But do we actually see it in everything
that He does? I believe one of the most obvious times that people begin to
forget about God’s love is during a conflict or change, especially when
something is taken away. It’s one of the hardest things to cope with when we’ve
been used to having something like an ability, freedom, possessions, or a lifestyle taken away from us.
“Everything was fine one minute, then chaos the next!” Do we remember God’s
love in these times? Do we remember His hand being at work? Do we feel
forgotten? When the Renaissance artist Michelangelo began sculpting the famous
statue of David, he started with just a block of marble. Then slowly and carefully
he began to chip away at all of the
pieces he didn’t want. He performed this process of chipping away what he
didn’t want for more than 2 years before the perfected masterpiece was
complete. When I made my altered book, I took a normal book and ripped out some
pages, added new ones, cut holes, and gave it an entirely new look and name. Do
you get it yet? When we are facing our seasons of change and conflict we are
given an opportunity to become closer to God by catching just a glimpse of his
wonderful power as he works in our lives. His love becomes so evident during
these times of need, hunger, and thirst. Why? Because he provides. As he chisels away at our imperfections to
make us into his perfect being, his grace and love fill the newly created void.
Nothing on earth, in the earth, or under the earth has the ability to fill us
like God’s love (Romans 8). I wish I could go back and rewrite my “love book”
because I’d have so many changes to make and things to add. But I know as far
as God’s gift to us, He wouldn’t change a thing. His love has already been made
perfect through the blood of his own Son whom he loved. And this beloved son of
God still was sacrificed because of God’s perfect
love for us.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
A Glimpse at Love: 1 John 4:7-12
Another installment of the articles I wrote for the bulletin at Palisades. This is very similar to a previous post, but does contain new thoughts...
"Well, it's bigger than a breadbox.."
The last ten weeks that I spent with the Palisades Church in Birmingham, I submitted an article per week to be printed in the Sunday bulletin. This is one of those articles. In fact, I will be posting each of the articles....
When I was a
child, I remember my mother and I used travel up to Maryland every holiday to
visit our family. We would see my grandma, Grammy, and aunts, uncles, and
cousins. They were some of the best times of the year. I always looked forward
to going up there. The biggest and most exciting of these trips each year was
of course Christmas. Christmas was different because not only did the entire
family meet, but neighbors and close friends would also come and pack the house
celebrating this joyous occasion of fellowship. I think that’s why I liked that
trip the most. I remember one year, before the grueling 11 hour car ride, I
talked to my Grammy on the phone and told her how excited I was to be coming to
see her again. But what I really wanted to know was what she got me for
Christmas. I was about 8 or 9, so sucking up was still in my arsenal and I was
willing to use it in order to get the information I needed. Needless to say, it
didn’t work. However, she did tell me, “It’s
bigger than a breadbox.” And then we left. The entire drive to Maryland all
I did was bug my mom about “What’s a breadbox mommy? How big is a breadbox
mommy? Is it big? Do you actually put bread in it? What’s it look like?” I went
on and on. I still to this day have no idea what a breadbox is. But aren’t
there boxes for pretty much everything? When we move, we pack things in boxes. When we buy stuff at the store,
most of it comes in boxes. When we
click things on our computer screen, most of the things we click are boxes. Even when someone comes up with a
profound idea we say they are thinking outside the box. Boxes are important because they store things, provide
structure, and form boundaries so that things can’t escape. They come big or
small, cubed or oblong. They enclose diamonds, and they keep my cereal fresh.
But they cannot, and will not ever be able to form a
boundary around our God. It’s common for
us to take God out of our box on Sunday mornings between the hours of 9:30 and
11:30. It’s common even during weddings and funerals to let God out of our box.
How strange does this sound? It’s true. I know most all of us have a belief in
God. But do we sometimes become our own god? We make our own decisions. We do
what we think is right without first seeking God’s council and guidance. We
walk into so many situations and after the fact remember God and ask Him to
bless it. “Well, some things just aren’t a big deal and I’ve got it under
control so I don’t see a need in seeking God in prayer about this situation.”
When and where did we forget that God is the ruler and maker of all that
exists? At What point did we forget that ‘it’s no longer I that live, but
Christ who lives in me?’ (Gal 2:20) We sometimes let it slip our mind that God
is the great I AM. You see we put limits on God. We take what we know, and apply it to our infinite,
majestic, all powerful, glorious, sovereign, and holy God. Our own knowledge and wisdom boxes God up and
says “you can’t come past this boundary, you can’t cross this line.” Then God does
something in our lives that is so
outside the box that humbles us down to our knees before the great King. We
can no longer limit His ability to
guide us and bless us. The smallest part of God is so much larger than a box
that can store the planets and stars of this universe. Have you been limiting
God in your life? Do you realize the size and real true glory that sits on the
throne of heaven? I don’t remember what it was I got that year for Christmas,
if it was bigger than a breadbox. But I do know that God is. And that’s just
big enough to save you and me from whatever hinders our relationship with
Him.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Camp Wetoga
I was blessed to have been involved as a counselor at a youth camp a month ago at Camp Wetoga in Blue Ridge, Georgia. Having already been a part of many youth conferences, week-long retreats, mission trips, and camps, I knew mostly what to expect; late nights with rowdy teens, early mornings with tired teens, and a couple of nights with powerful worship and confessions of faith followed by baptisms. You could say I knew what to expect for the most part. It wasn’t my first youth trip. So I entered ready to serve thinking I knew exactly everything I was going to face. God had different plans. As a young adult attending a youth camp, you think that the youth camp is generally designed for the spiritual growth of the teens. You see, my job is simply to plant seeds, offer support, prayer, and insight. But why does it stop there? Because of my age, am I now done with learning and growing? Is my purpose now only to help foster growth in younger people? By no means! There’s never a day that God doesn’t work in your life, so why do we believe there’s an expiration date on our spiritual growth? God brought me to this place for a purpose that I was thirsting to know. His message was clear; “Stop everything you are doing and pay attention. The next couple of days I want all of your praise, all of your worship, all of your thoughts, all of your worries, all of your burdens, all of your baggage, all of your guilt, your friends, your relationships, your family, all of your love, and all of your trust. Through these things I will show you just a mere glimpse of my infinite, majestic glory.” I gave my life to God a little over 6 years ago, all of these things I put into His hands the evening of February 20, 2005. Isn’t it funny, how He asked for all of that…again? As if I took it back. There’s a point where we become comfortable in our lives. The day-to-day schedule doesn’t vary and we begin to expect the things of today to remain for tomorrow. With this mentality, we grow farther and farther away. God is here today, so of course he’ll be here tomorrow, so I’ll just pray then. Church is in a couple of days, so I’ll just worship then. I don’t feel like dealing with my struggles this week, but next week, that’ll be when I really get after it! Do your expectations ever dictate your plans? When was the last time you let God’s plan intercede? Each day we should expect to have God’s love and grace consume us as we continuously seek Him. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. 2 Corinthians 5:15
Monday, March 7, 2011
Hey Everybody!
Check out this new video from Donald Miller!!
And go buy his book!
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_2_52?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=a+million+miles+in+a+thousand+years+by+donald+miller&x=0&y=0&sprefix=a+million+miles+in+a+thousand+years+by+donald+miller
Check out this new video from Donald Miller!!
Are you living a great story with your life? from Donald Miller on Vimeo.
And go buy his book!
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_2_52?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=a+million+miles+in+a+thousand+years+by+donald+miller&x=0&y=0&sprefix=a+million+miles+in+a+thousand+years+by+donald+miller
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Should have prayed for cupcakes...
It's been just over a year since my last post. This is mostly due to the lack of an inspired topic, hopefully I've got something now to share with you!
Over the past year or so I've gone through many ups and downs, nothing short of life itself. While I've been waiting for God to guide me and direct my path I feel looking back that I was quite reluctant to actually follow any direction. Not that I had a falling away or any type of major struggle, I just found myself in failure after failure. So many things had gotten in between me and the intimate relationship I once had with God and the desire I had to keep it alive. The realm of failure seemed to cover not only one aspect of my life but so many areas; grades, grad school, friendships, relationships, self confidence, church, and most of all I failed at seeing what my importance as a Christian meant. Was I following God as close as I could? I can remember countless times in which I thought how out of place I was. Some days I felt as if I should be somewhere across the world doing who knows what, but just being completely reliant on God. Other days I felt as if I should quit school for a semester and give all my effort into rebuilding my church. Then other days I chose to not think about anything really at all. There was obviously a major role conflict between me being a full time student, part time youth minister, and a full time Christian. The failure seemed to set in when my prayers became only prayers without action from my side or steps taken in any direction. That's where my self confidence took a dive, mediocre grades set in, relationships and friendships slowly diminished, and the feeling of bitter uselessness snuggled its way into my daily routine.
This past summer was planned out to be the greatest summer I could think of! I finally had a youth group with 5 or 6 showing on a good day. I wasn't signed up for summer classes, I was as open as my mom's refrigerator door when I first get home to visit, and as free as the food inside of it. I was right where God wanted me, He opened this summer for me to surrender completely to and for His will. So I titled the summer theme "Fearless". Zoe group had cd titled Fearless and track with the same name. After listening to it, it's what I wanted to be!! So appropriately enough, that's where I came up with the title. I wanted this summer to be Fearless, I wanted to pack it so full of trips and projects and those fearless moments of breaking out of the everyday Christian lifestyle and move into a much more edgey, disciple like lifestyle, but not just for me, for the teenagers. It was a summer I intentionally planned too much so that God wasn't limited and that most of all the members at Palisades could see Him working as never before. The summer approached, and I lost two kids. They moved away to Louisiana with almost no notice. One child I had been mentoring and bringing to church, I lost contact with due to cutbacks in his family, including cell phones. In a matter of a couple weeks I go from 5 to 2! that's enough to do almost everything I wanted. God is still in control and He will prove to be faithful,, right? A few weeks into the summer I get word that one of my two has to go to Panama for the rest of the summer and will be back by the time school starts.... He's still gone. So I've got one teen left. Not that I'm upset about the lack of teens or that I only have this one, but all the planning and excitement, the preparation and money turned into false hope and what felt like failure on my part, though I had nothing to do with everyone leaving the way they did. I just couldn't fathom the thought of all of this happening in the fashion it happened. I ended up going on only two of the trips planned. A mission trip to Nashville with my one teen which was rockin!! and a second trip to Nashville by myself. I gave my summer to God at the beginning of it. That was the point of the theme, living fearlessly by the spirit God has so graciously blessed me with. It just didn't turn out how I had envisioned. Why would God give all of this to me, then do His thing and mix it up? I can't say that I was angry with God, just confused. A time where I was completely free from all distraction and finally ready to gain that which I had been so longing for, I wasn't feeling very blessed, used, directed, or successful.
That story is to kinda segwey into what has recently been on my mind, and the things that have taken place. The title of this blog is "Should have prayed for cupcakes.." for a reason, I promise I'm getting to that.
The past month or two has been highly oriented around conflict and how to deal with it. I've obviously had my conflicts, but maybe I was looking at them all wrong. I had forgotten how I used to tell others and myself that trials are just opportunities. Coping with conflicts and failures became nonexistant. I was a conflict. I was standing between my prayers and God, just aimlessly throwing up pleas for guidance, for strength, and for chances at proving my faith only to intercept them. I wanted so badly to be that hardcore disciple of God. I wanted to be the Paul who said "I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection..." I wanted to be the one he described when he talked about running the race full speed. I wanted to know what it meant to sing praises while imprisoned. I wanted to be the one selfless enough to stay in jail after an massive earthquake shook all the prisoners free. I wanted to be like the man named Gaius, whom John writes to in 3 John. Every moment of my life I wanted to be completely consumed by the love, power, and gratification of God. A few thursdays back I went to see and meet Donald Miller. Don was on tour for his latest book " A Million Miles in a Thousand Years." He's exactly how I imagined him. I showed up late to get a ticket before the show, and when I walked into the church in which he was speaking I saw this man lying on a couch. I had no idea who this man was, but he looked sick. I asked him if he was ok and if I could get him anything, he just lifted his head, put on a childish smile and told me " No thanks, I just need a nap,, being on the road wears you down so much." Little did I know,, I had been talking to the Don man! I intorduced myself just to make sure, then stayed and chatted for a few minutes. For the rest of the night he knew me by name. Well, his main topic was "your story being completely God's story". One of the major themes was conflict. HA! Exactly what I need!! Is God good or what?! I don't think I even blinked. I was sitting on the edge of my seat with all ears, attention, and celebrity shock directed in his general direction. The biggest thing I took away from him that night was that conflicts are so inevitable. But we live in a time where we try to knock them out with 7 step processes, and trying to find our best lives now. In reality, our conflicts mold us into who God wants us to be. Remember that quote earlier about trials being opportunities?.. that came straight out of Don's "blue like jazz". He's so right, the conflict we try to avoid only shapes us into something so grand and divine, why would we run from it?..well..its conflict....
Here's where the cupcakes come into play...
Later that evening I was so pumped about meeting Don, I didn't have class the next day, and my roommates all wanted to hang and go out and stay out late. Why not!? We all split but eventually met at one common place, it was a bar. I had old friends and roommates there, then my current roommates showed up, it was a reunion. The place was packed, there were pool tables and foosball tables, but nothin was open. It didnt need to be, i was about to be quite occupied... While sitting next to one of my buddies a member of the opposite gender, who seemed to have been at this place for a while due to the absence of clear thinking, stumbling and slurring, climbed her way into the stool next to mine. Thinking nothing of it, I mean I was in a bar, i continued talking with my friend. Well this girl kept trying to get my attention, a tug on the sleeve, tap on the shoulder, a nudge on my chair... i turned around and asked if i could help her. Well, to say the least, i couldn't help her. A few failed attempts at a conversation with me made her angry i guess and she left. Moments later, I guess she forgot, cause here she came stumbling back. Now remember i was on this superChristian high. I took a moment and thought, man,, What would Jesus do right here. (Man, who would have thought those bracelets would come to such good use!??? ha). So i actually turned to her and began having a conversation with her. I asked her about these tatoos she had on her arms, where she was from, what brought her to birmingham.. all of the superficial questions. She just answered them one by one after lighting cigarrette after cigarrette. It became very clear as to what i was suppose to spend the next hour doing... She had just recently moved to Birmingham from North Carolina where she has a 6 year old daughter. Shes trying to get a degree and graduate so she can take care of her daughter by herself. She has little to no real friends here, or back home. She's a widower whose husband was murdered. She was so tired of everyone feeling sorry for her and just wanted an actual friend to talk to her like normal. When i asked how old she was, she told me it was her 25th birthday and that she was spending it in a bar with one other girl she knew... my heart sunk. I should have stopped right there and prayed for cupcakes. I wished so badly that I could help her feel important, as if she mattered. I knew she mattered, she mattered to me, she mattered to God. I'd only heard about these things happening in stories people tell, but this was actually happening, i felt helpless, unprepared. The whole conversation had been geared toward making her feel loved. If i could give anything, i was sure gonna sit there and let her talk all night long to someone that would that would listen. I thought, wow, God is actually using me, this is actually happening. This is not by coincidence! After another while of talking she finally asked what I did, I told her i was a student and a.. then i hesitated for a moment to think of the best possible yet honest answer i could give her for the next answer,,, youth minister. I said it. I was afraid to scare her off, the last thing i wanted was to make her think i was tricking her and was gonna try to force a bunch of religion on her. I was right, she was in shock. I think it was good shock though. I think she sensed the sincerity in my words, whereas i had no idea where my sincerety came from. Turns out she used to be a firm believer, but fell away do to some personal problems with God. We talked it out, she left, i'll probably never see her again. I'm certain though that God's gonna harvest more in her life through the seed He helped me plant.
True discipleship, what does it mean? What does it mean to come from a year of failures to a single victory that is so enormous, so glorious, so divine that truley nothing short of that victory matters? I'm not boasting because of good that i think i've done, but really, think about the times in your life where you've been so completely lost and all the sudden God taps you on the shoulder and brings you to a place, to a conflict so that He can mold you into something He needs you for. Think about the times you've doubted His divine workings only to find that all through your doubt, you found joy.
Ok... last section.... I was leaving lunch today in a hurry to pick someone up. But on my way out of the cafe, i had a 2 minute long conversation about dating and relationships with a set of strangers i had met only minutes before speaking to them. It was kind of a funny conversation really. It started out about how all the girls in nursing school are in relationships and none of them are really single. Then the girls talked about the lack of males and how even the low number of them had a significant other or just werent interesting. After listening for a moment, I felt a need to interject...Dating and relationships are both crazy. Trust me, at sometime in your life you have thought this, youve even hated the idea of either. They are both tied to the most terrible, lonely, betrayed, cheated, confused, yet glorious emotions we encounter. So i raise the question, are relationships stuipd like we say they are ..when we arent in one?? or are we the crazy and stupid people who always go back into them? (I'm not dogging them at all, just speaking in generalities.) think about it.. think of the last person you were with, there's probably more negative feelings towards that relationship than positive. And after we've sworn off women because they are impossible to figure out and crazy, and after we've removed ourselves from all contact with the male species because of their stupidity and they are crazy, we always find a way back. Essentially, we are the crazy ones. I dont really believe that though. What i do believe however, is that instead of us being crazy, we are strong. Our will, need, and desire to be with that person who we may not even know right now always finds a way to out strengthen our will, desire, or need to withstand them. We always find our way back into the realm of dating and relationships because we find that we are stronger than the hurt caused from the past and the overall let down from past expectations. No one goes into a relationship looking for the end. This can be said about God. After all the times we call Him crazy, confusing, and stupid. After all the times we may claim to never go back and swear Him off, we find ourselves falling back into His arms of love. He created a relationship with us, and though we have looked for so many ways to end it, betray it, and pervert it, He's fought that much harder to sustain it. He's created an everlasting convenant with us, His people. Jeremiah 32:40. God's relationship with us requires conflict, it requires hurt, and it requires submission. The apostle paul puts it like this when speaking of conflict and hurt.. When I am at my weakest, then i am made strong- 2 Corinthians 12. He also claims to be content in all situations-Philippians 4. And he also calls us more than conqerors, who can never be separated from the love of God- Romans 8.
When we truley desire to be the follower Christ calls us to be, theres going to be conflict, hardship, and confusion. I sometimes find myself in situations where I can hear God clearly, but I cant see where He's directing me. He's often just on the other side of the door. When i allow him to walk through that door and take me by the hand I'm going to be placed in situations of hardship, i'm going to be molded, i'm going to be purified, but im doing it all for His glory. Its going to hurt, but when we are standing on top of the mountain looking down, it is then we have seen what He's been trying to show us the whole time.
"For through the Law I died to the Law, that I might live unto God. I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and delivered Himself up for me." (Galatians 2:19-20).
i think this may be the answer. All my perceived failures, doubts, and troubles, i count as so, because that's how I've been trained to view them ,but as God looks upon me, I'm His precious child, His righteous creation, and most of all His possession. though I may have shortcomings and distractions, I'll always have a faithful God who works for the good of me because I love Him.
Over the past year or so I've gone through many ups and downs, nothing short of life itself. While I've been waiting for God to guide me and direct my path I feel looking back that I was quite reluctant to actually follow any direction. Not that I had a falling away or any type of major struggle, I just found myself in failure after failure. So many things had gotten in between me and the intimate relationship I once had with God and the desire I had to keep it alive. The realm of failure seemed to cover not only one aspect of my life but so many areas; grades, grad school, friendships, relationships, self confidence, church, and most of all I failed at seeing what my importance as a Christian meant. Was I following God as close as I could? I can remember countless times in which I thought how out of place I was. Some days I felt as if I should be somewhere across the world doing who knows what, but just being completely reliant on God. Other days I felt as if I should quit school for a semester and give all my effort into rebuilding my church. Then other days I chose to not think about anything really at all. There was obviously a major role conflict between me being a full time student, part time youth minister, and a full time Christian. The failure seemed to set in when my prayers became only prayers without action from my side or steps taken in any direction. That's where my self confidence took a dive, mediocre grades set in, relationships and friendships slowly diminished, and the feeling of bitter uselessness snuggled its way into my daily routine.
This past summer was planned out to be the greatest summer I could think of! I finally had a youth group with 5 or 6 showing on a good day. I wasn't signed up for summer classes, I was as open as my mom's refrigerator door when I first get home to visit, and as free as the food inside of it. I was right where God wanted me, He opened this summer for me to surrender completely to and for His will. So I titled the summer theme "Fearless". Zoe group had cd titled Fearless and track with the same name. After listening to it, it's what I wanted to be!! So appropriately enough, that's where I came up with the title. I wanted this summer to be Fearless, I wanted to pack it so full of trips and projects and those fearless moments of breaking out of the everyday Christian lifestyle and move into a much more edgey, disciple like lifestyle, but not just for me, for the teenagers. It was a summer I intentionally planned too much so that God wasn't limited and that most of all the members at Palisades could see Him working as never before. The summer approached, and I lost two kids. They moved away to Louisiana with almost no notice. One child I had been mentoring and bringing to church, I lost contact with due to cutbacks in his family, including cell phones. In a matter of a couple weeks I go from 5 to 2! that's enough to do almost everything I wanted. God is still in control and He will prove to be faithful,, right? A few weeks into the summer I get word that one of my two has to go to Panama for the rest of the summer and will be back by the time school starts.... He's still gone. So I've got one teen left. Not that I'm upset about the lack of teens or that I only have this one, but all the planning and excitement, the preparation and money turned into false hope and what felt like failure on my part, though I had nothing to do with everyone leaving the way they did. I just couldn't fathom the thought of all of this happening in the fashion it happened. I ended up going on only two of the trips planned. A mission trip to Nashville with my one teen which was rockin!! and a second trip to Nashville by myself. I gave my summer to God at the beginning of it. That was the point of the theme, living fearlessly by the spirit God has so graciously blessed me with. It just didn't turn out how I had envisioned. Why would God give all of this to me, then do His thing and mix it up? I can't say that I was angry with God, just confused. A time where I was completely free from all distraction and finally ready to gain that which I had been so longing for, I wasn't feeling very blessed, used, directed, or successful.
That story is to kinda segwey into what has recently been on my mind, and the things that have taken place. The title of this blog is "Should have prayed for cupcakes.." for a reason, I promise I'm getting to that.
The past month or two has been highly oriented around conflict and how to deal with it. I've obviously had my conflicts, but maybe I was looking at them all wrong. I had forgotten how I used to tell others and myself that trials are just opportunities. Coping with conflicts and failures became nonexistant. I was a conflict. I was standing between my prayers and God, just aimlessly throwing up pleas for guidance, for strength, and for chances at proving my faith only to intercept them. I wanted so badly to be that hardcore disciple of God. I wanted to be the Paul who said "I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection..." I wanted to be the one he described when he talked about running the race full speed. I wanted to know what it meant to sing praises while imprisoned. I wanted to be the one selfless enough to stay in jail after an massive earthquake shook all the prisoners free. I wanted to be like the man named Gaius, whom John writes to in 3 John. Every moment of my life I wanted to be completely consumed by the love, power, and gratification of God. A few thursdays back I went to see and meet Donald Miller. Don was on tour for his latest book " A Million Miles in a Thousand Years." He's exactly how I imagined him. I showed up late to get a ticket before the show, and when I walked into the church in which he was speaking I saw this man lying on a couch. I had no idea who this man was, but he looked sick. I asked him if he was ok and if I could get him anything, he just lifted his head, put on a childish smile and told me " No thanks, I just need a nap,, being on the road wears you down so much." Little did I know,, I had been talking to the Don man! I intorduced myself just to make sure, then stayed and chatted for a few minutes. For the rest of the night he knew me by name. Well, his main topic was "your story being completely God's story". One of the major themes was conflict. HA! Exactly what I need!! Is God good or what?! I don't think I even blinked. I was sitting on the edge of my seat with all ears, attention, and celebrity shock directed in his general direction. The biggest thing I took away from him that night was that conflicts are so inevitable. But we live in a time where we try to knock them out with 7 step processes, and trying to find our best lives now. In reality, our conflicts mold us into who God wants us to be. Remember that quote earlier about trials being opportunities?.. that came straight out of Don's "blue like jazz". He's so right, the conflict we try to avoid only shapes us into something so grand and divine, why would we run from it?..well..its conflict....
Here's where the cupcakes come into play...
Later that evening I was so pumped about meeting Don, I didn't have class the next day, and my roommates all wanted to hang and go out and stay out late. Why not!? We all split but eventually met at one common place, it was a bar. I had old friends and roommates there, then my current roommates showed up, it was a reunion. The place was packed, there were pool tables and foosball tables, but nothin was open. It didnt need to be, i was about to be quite occupied... While sitting next to one of my buddies a member of the opposite gender, who seemed to have been at this place for a while due to the absence of clear thinking, stumbling and slurring, climbed her way into the stool next to mine. Thinking nothing of it, I mean I was in a bar, i continued talking with my friend. Well this girl kept trying to get my attention, a tug on the sleeve, tap on the shoulder, a nudge on my chair... i turned around and asked if i could help her. Well, to say the least, i couldn't help her. A few failed attempts at a conversation with me made her angry i guess and she left. Moments later, I guess she forgot, cause here she came stumbling back. Now remember i was on this superChristian high. I took a moment and thought, man,, What would Jesus do right here. (Man, who would have thought those bracelets would come to such good use!??? ha). So i actually turned to her and began having a conversation with her. I asked her about these tatoos she had on her arms, where she was from, what brought her to birmingham.. all of the superficial questions. She just answered them one by one after lighting cigarrette after cigarrette. It became very clear as to what i was suppose to spend the next hour doing... She had just recently moved to Birmingham from North Carolina where she has a 6 year old daughter. Shes trying to get a degree and graduate so she can take care of her daughter by herself. She has little to no real friends here, or back home. She's a widower whose husband was murdered. She was so tired of everyone feeling sorry for her and just wanted an actual friend to talk to her like normal. When i asked how old she was, she told me it was her 25th birthday and that she was spending it in a bar with one other girl she knew... my heart sunk. I should have stopped right there and prayed for cupcakes. I wished so badly that I could help her feel important, as if she mattered. I knew she mattered, she mattered to me, she mattered to God. I'd only heard about these things happening in stories people tell, but this was actually happening, i felt helpless, unprepared. The whole conversation had been geared toward making her feel loved. If i could give anything, i was sure gonna sit there and let her talk all night long to someone that would that would listen. I thought, wow, God is actually using me, this is actually happening. This is not by coincidence! After another while of talking she finally asked what I did, I told her i was a student and a.. then i hesitated for a moment to think of the best possible yet honest answer i could give her for the next answer,,, youth minister. I said it. I was afraid to scare her off, the last thing i wanted was to make her think i was tricking her and was gonna try to force a bunch of religion on her. I was right, she was in shock. I think it was good shock though. I think she sensed the sincerity in my words, whereas i had no idea where my sincerety came from. Turns out she used to be a firm believer, but fell away do to some personal problems with God. We talked it out, she left, i'll probably never see her again. I'm certain though that God's gonna harvest more in her life through the seed He helped me plant.
True discipleship, what does it mean? What does it mean to come from a year of failures to a single victory that is so enormous, so glorious, so divine that truley nothing short of that victory matters? I'm not boasting because of good that i think i've done, but really, think about the times in your life where you've been so completely lost and all the sudden God taps you on the shoulder and brings you to a place, to a conflict so that He can mold you into something He needs you for. Think about the times you've doubted His divine workings only to find that all through your doubt, you found joy.
Ok... last section.... I was leaving lunch today in a hurry to pick someone up. But on my way out of the cafe, i had a 2 minute long conversation about dating and relationships with a set of strangers i had met only minutes before speaking to them. It was kind of a funny conversation really. It started out about how all the girls in nursing school are in relationships and none of them are really single. Then the girls talked about the lack of males and how even the low number of them had a significant other or just werent interesting. After listening for a moment, I felt a need to interject...Dating and relationships are both crazy. Trust me, at sometime in your life you have thought this, youve even hated the idea of either. They are both tied to the most terrible, lonely, betrayed, cheated, confused, yet glorious emotions we encounter. So i raise the question, are relationships stuipd like we say they are ..when we arent in one?? or are we the crazy and stupid people who always go back into them? (I'm not dogging them at all, just speaking in generalities.) think about it.. think of the last person you were with, there's probably more negative feelings towards that relationship than positive. And after we've sworn off women because they are impossible to figure out and crazy, and after we've removed ourselves from all contact with the male species because of their stupidity and they are crazy, we always find a way back. Essentially, we are the crazy ones. I dont really believe that though. What i do believe however, is that instead of us being crazy, we are strong. Our will, need, and desire to be with that person who we may not even know right now always finds a way to out strengthen our will, desire, or need to withstand them. We always find our way back into the realm of dating and relationships because we find that we are stronger than the hurt caused from the past and the overall let down from past expectations. No one goes into a relationship looking for the end. This can be said about God. After all the times we call Him crazy, confusing, and stupid. After all the times we may claim to never go back and swear Him off, we find ourselves falling back into His arms of love. He created a relationship with us, and though we have looked for so many ways to end it, betray it, and pervert it, He's fought that much harder to sustain it. He's created an everlasting convenant with us, His people. Jeremiah 32:40. God's relationship with us requires conflict, it requires hurt, and it requires submission. The apostle paul puts it like this when speaking of conflict and hurt.. When I am at my weakest, then i am made strong- 2 Corinthians 12. He also claims to be content in all situations-Philippians 4. And he also calls us more than conqerors, who can never be separated from the love of God- Romans 8.
When we truley desire to be the follower Christ calls us to be, theres going to be conflict, hardship, and confusion. I sometimes find myself in situations where I can hear God clearly, but I cant see where He's directing me. He's often just on the other side of the door. When i allow him to walk through that door and take me by the hand I'm going to be placed in situations of hardship, i'm going to be molded, i'm going to be purified, but im doing it all for His glory. Its going to hurt, but when we are standing on top of the mountain looking down, it is then we have seen what He's been trying to show us the whole time.
"For through the Law I died to the Law, that I might live unto God. I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and delivered Himself up for me." (Galatians 2:19-20).
i think this may be the answer. All my perceived failures, doubts, and troubles, i count as so, because that's how I've been trained to view them ,but as God looks upon me, I'm His precious child, His righteous creation, and most of all His possession. though I may have shortcomings and distractions, I'll always have a faithful God who works for the good of me because I love Him.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
What is love?
So I know, it has been forever .. ha anyways, this one is going to be a little different, however it will tie into the next one i write which will be very soon.. enjoy
'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind' ; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' Luke 10:27
A lot of people ask the question, or if not ask wonder, 'what is love?' It seems to be on most people's minds, so much that if you don't even have time to find love but you want it, its just a click away. Love can come hard through years of dating, disappointment, defeat, and dishonesty. For others, it may come easy and they just find someone that clicks. The truth of the matter is is that love is impossible to hold, but something you can't let it go of, as blind as it is foreseen, and mysterious as it is true.
I made a book once. Well, it was already a book, a thesaurus actually. It was a large book...until I ripped out some pages and cut out the center of it. It's called an altered book. I took a book already made and altered it. I painted the outside of it gold, got some supplies from Hobby Lobby, and a week later, I had a finished product. It was called, well it didn't have a name but on the inside cover of it it asked the same question, 'What is love?' I guess you could call it something creative like, "the love book".. ya very creative. It was a gift for a 3 year anniversary. I thought it was a great gift myself after spending a week on it, and the girl who got it also really liked it. But I thought I really had done a good job of defining love through this book. Each page had it's own idea or focus with sweet/cheesy quotes and song lyrics, even some stuff I had made up. I meant every word of it.. but did I really define what love is? Did I answer the question, wholeheartedly knowing what it actually was?
It's been a little over 2 years since I made the book, and in that time I have experienced, observed, read about, and seen so many angles I had never thought about. Not just about relationships, but about people, the human condition.
Going into this past summer, I was a sour person, at least to some people. I had a problem that was really never there before. I was letting people push my buttons and letting it actually get to me. I had somehow lost patience and eventually quit trying to love these people. After realizing this had become a problem I prayed for God to show me how to love people. I decided that this summer I had a mission and it was to learn how to love like Jesus, unconditionally or as close to as possible. Well, of course God came through and put me in situations where I had to practice. I was given opportunities, perhaps one of the hardest, yet rewarding things I've ever had to go through. I met this girl, who ironically has the same last name as me, and quickly became friends with her. We always seemed to get to class early at the same time and be afraid to walk in the room for fear of there being a class already in there, so to spare the embarrassment we'd just stay outside and talk. I was, at that point, really her only friend at school, and I think I liked that because that made me the go to person for UAB stuff. And being a guy it felt good giving directions and providing answers. However, I don't remember how ready I thought I was for this next bit of news. I don't quite remember how it came up, but her mom had cancer, it was really bad. A few weeks later I found out she only had so much longer to live. But what I really wanted to know was how my new friend was handling all of this, how she was even able to get out of bed in the morning, how she seemed so strong. We had lunch one day, for a few hours, exchanged stories and from then on we were pretty good friends. By this time, I had kinda figured that God had put us both in this position for a purpose. I was seeking an opportunity to love people, the human condtion, and I dunno, maybe she needed someone to be there for her. At least that was my reasoning. But it wasn't so much my trying to be there for her, or helping out with whatever I was able to, it was more her showing me what it meant to love, to have faith. I could sometimes tell her frustration with life, with her situation. I could tell when the night before class was a good one or a bad one. I wouldn't have to ask her why she missed class once or twice in that week. I could read her swollen eyes and almost tell the story. But never once for a moment did she forget at the end of the day to love God with all her heart. She was most of the time actually joyful. She never didn't laugh at my stupid jokes, and I never failed to walk into a your momma joke as she concluded the joke with a long exaggerated 'ooohhhh!" It was so amazing to me that the one so many people would blame, she loved. In the one that is blamed constantly for this or that she sought peace and comfort. At the funeral, I remember sitting near the back crying as I watched her hands raise, praising God during one of the songs. I wasn't too sure how I was supposed to feel the next couple of days, sad or peaceful (as my friend was). I think it was more of that first one.
One thing that I am constantly learning is that it's impossible to pour out an empty pitcher of,, well anything. It's impossible to show love if you don't first have it in you. It's impossible to love others if you don't first let God's perfect love consume you.
In the midst of that summer long journey, I also had other experiences and insights of what love is.
I was once in a relationship and near the end of it I spent so much time focused on how perfect I thought she should be, which is why this was near the end of it.. The focus was mostly about how mistakes were inexcusable, and how anything new was unacceptable. It took a while for me to realize how crazy all of that thinking was. It took taking a step back and looking at the situation, looking at how not to love somebody. But when I figured it out this summer I didn't know if this insight hit me like a ton of bricks, or felt like a ton of bricks lifting off my shoulders, or maybe both? The epiphany was great! It relieved a bunch of stress, because now I knew what not to do, but at the same time, man, was I that bad? Well, oddly enough, with the help of the movie "into the wild", I was able to realize that "Happiness is shared". These are the words the main character writes as his conclusion to his lifelong journey searching for happiness. Relationships aren't about being perfect, loving people isn't about being perfect, but it's about sharing experiences, sharing mistakes, sharing old memories along with making new ones. It's not about using everything in your power to control someone but letting that person be theirself while you provide a shoulder to cry on, a word of encouragement, or being their biggest supporter. So many relationships fail because of this. So many people have the idea of love being obtained through perfection, when its obtained through experiences, good or bad, with someone. It's obtained through the joys and pains of growing. It's about the human condition, which is imperfection, mistakes, shortcomings, or any situation where forgiveness can be made strong. Love is the bridge which brings together our imperfections with our flawless desire to press on.
When I prayed to learn how to love, I had no clue what awaited as the answer to my prayer. But God showed me, and provided situations for me to love. I definitely learned a lot this summer.
Be looking for the 2nd part of this coming soon.
'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind' ; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' Luke 10:27
A lot of people ask the question, or if not ask wonder, 'what is love?' It seems to be on most people's minds, so much that if you don't even have time to find love but you want it, its just a click away. Love can come hard through years of dating, disappointment, defeat, and dishonesty. For others, it may come easy and they just find someone that clicks. The truth of the matter is is that love is impossible to hold, but something you can't let it go of, as blind as it is foreseen, and mysterious as it is true.
I made a book once. Well, it was already a book, a thesaurus actually. It was a large book...until I ripped out some pages and cut out the center of it. It's called an altered book. I took a book already made and altered it. I painted the outside of it gold, got some supplies from Hobby Lobby, and a week later, I had a finished product. It was called, well it didn't have a name but on the inside cover of it it asked the same question, 'What is love?' I guess you could call it something creative like, "the love book".. ya very creative. It was a gift for a 3 year anniversary. I thought it was a great gift myself after spending a week on it, and the girl who got it also really liked it. But I thought I really had done a good job of defining love through this book. Each page had it's own idea or focus with sweet/cheesy quotes and song lyrics, even some stuff I had made up. I meant every word of it.. but did I really define what love is? Did I answer the question, wholeheartedly knowing what it actually was?
It's been a little over 2 years since I made the book, and in that time I have experienced, observed, read about, and seen so many angles I had never thought about. Not just about relationships, but about people, the human condition.
Going into this past summer, I was a sour person, at least to some people. I had a problem that was really never there before. I was letting people push my buttons and letting it actually get to me. I had somehow lost patience and eventually quit trying to love these people. After realizing this had become a problem I prayed for God to show me how to love people. I decided that this summer I had a mission and it was to learn how to love like Jesus, unconditionally or as close to as possible. Well, of course God came through and put me in situations where I had to practice. I was given opportunities, perhaps one of the hardest, yet rewarding things I've ever had to go through. I met this girl, who ironically has the same last name as me, and quickly became friends with her. We always seemed to get to class early at the same time and be afraid to walk in the room for fear of there being a class already in there, so to spare the embarrassment we'd just stay outside and talk. I was, at that point, really her only friend at school, and I think I liked that because that made me the go to person for UAB stuff. And being a guy it felt good giving directions and providing answers. However, I don't remember how ready I thought I was for this next bit of news. I don't quite remember how it came up, but her mom had cancer, it was really bad. A few weeks later I found out she only had so much longer to live. But what I really wanted to know was how my new friend was handling all of this, how she was even able to get out of bed in the morning, how she seemed so strong. We had lunch one day, for a few hours, exchanged stories and from then on we were pretty good friends. By this time, I had kinda figured that God had put us both in this position for a purpose. I was seeking an opportunity to love people, the human condtion, and I dunno, maybe she needed someone to be there for her. At least that was my reasoning. But it wasn't so much my trying to be there for her, or helping out with whatever I was able to, it was more her showing me what it meant to love, to have faith. I could sometimes tell her frustration with life, with her situation. I could tell when the night before class was a good one or a bad one. I wouldn't have to ask her why she missed class once or twice in that week. I could read her swollen eyes and almost tell the story. But never once for a moment did she forget at the end of the day to love God with all her heart. She was most of the time actually joyful. She never didn't laugh at my stupid jokes, and I never failed to walk into a your momma joke as she concluded the joke with a long exaggerated 'ooohhhh!" It was so amazing to me that the one so many people would blame, she loved. In the one that is blamed constantly for this or that she sought peace and comfort. At the funeral, I remember sitting near the back crying as I watched her hands raise, praising God during one of the songs. I wasn't too sure how I was supposed to feel the next couple of days, sad or peaceful (as my friend was). I think it was more of that first one.
One thing that I am constantly learning is that it's impossible to pour out an empty pitcher of,, well anything. It's impossible to show love if you don't first have it in you. It's impossible to love others if you don't first let God's perfect love consume you.
In the midst of that summer long journey, I also had other experiences and insights of what love is.
I was once in a relationship and near the end of it I spent so much time focused on how perfect I thought she should be, which is why this was near the end of it.. The focus was mostly about how mistakes were inexcusable, and how anything new was unacceptable. It took a while for me to realize how crazy all of that thinking was. It took taking a step back and looking at the situation, looking at how not to love somebody. But when I figured it out this summer I didn't know if this insight hit me like a ton of bricks, or felt like a ton of bricks lifting off my shoulders, or maybe both? The epiphany was great! It relieved a bunch of stress, because now I knew what not to do, but at the same time, man, was I that bad? Well, oddly enough, with the help of the movie "into the wild", I was able to realize that "Happiness is shared". These are the words the main character writes as his conclusion to his lifelong journey searching for happiness. Relationships aren't about being perfect, loving people isn't about being perfect, but it's about sharing experiences, sharing mistakes, sharing old memories along with making new ones. It's not about using everything in your power to control someone but letting that person be theirself while you provide a shoulder to cry on, a word of encouragement, or being their biggest supporter. So many relationships fail because of this. So many people have the idea of love being obtained through perfection, when its obtained through experiences, good or bad, with someone. It's obtained through the joys and pains of growing. It's about the human condition, which is imperfection, mistakes, shortcomings, or any situation where forgiveness can be made strong. Love is the bridge which brings together our imperfections with our flawless desire to press on.
When I prayed to learn how to love, I had no clue what awaited as the answer to my prayer. But God showed me, and provided situations for me to love. I definitely learned a lot this summer.
Be looking for the 2nd part of this coming soon.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Worst Experience Ever
Hello all! it's been a while, so here we go!
Ephesians 2:8-9
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast
One Sunday at the beginning of the semester, January 13th to be exact, I was pumped because I was about to play the coolest game ever with some of the coolest guys ever. The game is called Berzerker. It's a combination between football, rugby, soccer, and basketball. Awesome! right!? YA! It was the first play of the game, I got the ball, took one step, and POP!! I was down. I tore a calf muscle and the next 2 weeks of life were the most agonzingly, dreadful, exhausting experience ever.....crutches. Now some of you may think,,"o, crutches, those look easy." or "I've been on crutches before and they weren't that bad" well I hated them! But of course, I learned something. I dont know why, but everything i encounter, I think about those things, for days haha. Being on crutches, it was difficult to get around, especially since i had to get around birmingham. For the most part, i just tried as much as i could to suck it up and be tough about travleing multiple blocks. I think what helped out alot was the fact that people were very thoughtful. They held open doors and were always offering to help carry things for me; however, i nicely rejected the help. Why? i dunno. I just wanted to do everything for myself, even somethin as simple as carry something up stairs. So I did, after i rejected help. I never fell down the stairs, or was unable to perform my day to day tasks. I made it. While i crutched from place to place i did have alot of time to just think, and so i thought about how i wanted to continue doing everything for myself, but most of all, how all of us wants to do everything ourselves when it comes to Religion. Lets take a poll(raise your hand if this applies, i will too)....How many of you want to do everything they can each day to ensure a spot in Heaven? How many of you spend time each day reading the Bible and praying cause you want to be saved? How many of you think that you will be saved because of your deeds, faith, or because you have committed less sin then someone else that you know? One thing i learned was that there is nothing that you or I could ever,, EVER do to be saved. Not one act of kindness, one right word, or refraining from an activity earns us salvation...Guys, we are saved and saved only by Jesus. There is nothing we could ever do to earn salvation ourselves because Jesus has already done that. God sent Him to die on the cross for US. By that act, and that act alone we are saved, and cleansed from our sins. Not by anything that you, your siblings, your parents, or your preacher has done, But by the Grace of God alone. I wanted to do everything myself and triumph over my injury, and i realized that it just wasn't possible to do alone. Ya i got rid of the crutches and can walk on my own now, but i still need doctors to finish the healing. Its not because i can say no to my temptations, make it to church on sundays, or show compassion for others,, no, It's because Jesus suffered and died for me and for you. That is why you and I are saved. If God us tuggin at your heart, and you so badly want to enter the kingdom, the only thing you need to do is confess that Jesus Christ is the Son of the living God and find yourself a good Bible based Church.
Love yall!
Ephesians 2:8-9
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast
One Sunday at the beginning of the semester, January 13th to be exact, I was pumped because I was about to play the coolest game ever with some of the coolest guys ever. The game is called Berzerker. It's a combination between football, rugby, soccer, and basketball. Awesome! right!? YA! It was the first play of the game, I got the ball, took one step, and POP!! I was down. I tore a calf muscle and the next 2 weeks of life were the most agonzingly, dreadful, exhausting experience ever.....crutches. Now some of you may think,,"o, crutches, those look easy." or "I've been on crutches before and they weren't that bad" well I hated them! But of course, I learned something. I dont know why, but everything i encounter, I think about those things, for days haha. Being on crutches, it was difficult to get around, especially since i had to get around birmingham. For the most part, i just tried as much as i could to suck it up and be tough about travleing multiple blocks. I think what helped out alot was the fact that people were very thoughtful. They held open doors and were always offering to help carry things for me; however, i nicely rejected the help. Why? i dunno. I just wanted to do everything for myself, even somethin as simple as carry something up stairs. So I did, after i rejected help. I never fell down the stairs, or was unable to perform my day to day tasks. I made it. While i crutched from place to place i did have alot of time to just think, and so i thought about how i wanted to continue doing everything for myself, but most of all, how all of us wants to do everything ourselves when it comes to Religion. Lets take a poll(raise your hand if this applies, i will too)....How many of you want to do everything they can each day to ensure a spot in Heaven? How many of you spend time each day reading the Bible and praying cause you want to be saved? How many of you think that you will be saved because of your deeds, faith, or because you have committed less sin then someone else that you know? One thing i learned was that there is nothing that you or I could ever,, EVER do to be saved. Not one act of kindness, one right word, or refraining from an activity earns us salvation...Guys, we are saved and saved only by Jesus. There is nothing we could ever do to earn salvation ourselves because Jesus has already done that. God sent Him to die on the cross for US. By that act, and that act alone we are saved, and cleansed from our sins. Not by anything that you, your siblings, your parents, or your preacher has done, But by the Grace of God alone. I wanted to do everything myself and triumph over my injury, and i realized that it just wasn't possible to do alone. Ya i got rid of the crutches and can walk on my own now, but i still need doctors to finish the healing. Its not because i can say no to my temptations, make it to church on sundays, or show compassion for others,, no, It's because Jesus suffered and died for me and for you. That is why you and I are saved. If God us tuggin at your heart, and you so badly want to enter the kingdom, the only thing you need to do is confess that Jesus Christ is the Son of the living God and find yourself a good Bible based Church.
Love yall!
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